Lord of the Zombies
by Olympias13
Summary: The Fellowship enters our world during a zombie apocalypse. They team up with four survivors and search for safety, meeting eccentric people and seeing beautiful things along the way. Who knew that running from zombies could be the trip of a lifetime?
1. Chapter 1: Rule Number 4

This story was the result of long conversations about the efficiency of swords against zombies. I hope that you enjoy it. :)

Please review with any ideas you may have! First chapters are always rough, but I've got lots of ideas for this here story.

One of my characters might come out as a boy-crazed woman who's going to become the typical fanfic character who'll automatically fall in love with a man and live happily ever after. Well, that's not the case. All of my characters should turn out to be quite complex.

Anyways, this, being a first chapter, is mostly just setting things up. Introducing characters, explaining the situation, yadda yadda. So, don't expect fireworks! XD

I don't own Lord of the Rings.

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><p>"Run, run!"<p>

Ten very hungry, very angry zombies hobbled after my two friends, mouths hanging open in undead groans.

Kat and Lee raced to our old, beat-down car, hauling heavy bags of food along with them. Meanwhile, I was standing through our sunroof, shooting at the zombies as best as I could without shooting my friends.

They have food. Food is kind of important, you know. At least, that's what I've heard. I've never actually tried to live without it. It's far too enjoyable.

Lee dived into the drivers seat while Kat slid into the back seat, earning a sharp yelp from my little sister, Lily.

"You sat on my hand!" She cried out, rubbing her injured limb.

Kat rolled her eyes and slammed the door shut. "Sorry, Lils, but we've got bigger problems right now."

"Step on it!" I kicked Lee in the shoulder, and he slammed on the gas.

Of course, he drove us right into a trash can.

Kat flew into the chair in front of her, a not so friendly reminder to wear a seatbelt. "Damn it, Lee!"

"Hey! Watch the language!" If I wasn't so busy killing zombies, I'd glare at that daft woman. We've got little ears on board!

"Sorry, June!" Kat pulled out her pistol and prepared to fight for her life. "Get this car on the road!"

Lee backed out of the rubbish, nailing a zombie in the gut, in the meantime. He floored our car over the curb and onto the dirty street, leaving the undead behind.

"Yes!" Kat cheered, fist-pumping the ceiling. "We made it!"

Yeah, barely. "Good job, guys!" I let out a sigh of relief while sliding down into the passenger seat. "What'd ya manage to get?" Anything but Ramen, please. I had enough of that in college.

Lee ruffled through his bag carelessly, more focused on the road ahead. "I got some protein bars, a couple of bottles of water, those little cereal boxes... Enough to hold us for another three weeks, at least. What'd you get, Kat?"

"Hmm... Well, I got some shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, gum, cookies... A couple of beers."

Lee rolled his eyes and slapped the steering wheel. "Seriously, Kat?"

Kat held up her hands in defense. "Hey, do you want to have smelly pits and bad breath? Be my guest! As for me, I'm gonna be smelling nice for any sexy survivors we may come across..." She did that little growl of hers and winked at Lily.

I shouldn't have expected anything more from our Kat. Woman's got a great shot, but the poor dear's just a bit too materialistic to survive on her own. Honestly, I'm just a bit worried about the effect she might have on my sister.

"You'd better hope that you got some good toothpaste to cover up that beer breath." I laughed, knowing all too well of her fondness for alcohol.

Completely missing the insult in that, she just smiled as she examined the toothpaste box. "Oh, yeah! This stuff is great. It's that stuff they were advertising back before the zomb- wait a minute... That hurt, June!"

"You're a terrible drunk, Kitty." Lily giggled, pulling out her pet name for Kat.

Kat raised her eyebrow at the eleven year old, a mischevous grin on her lips. "Oh, really? Well, I suppose that a drunk wouldn't share her skittles, now would she?" She pulled out a giant bag of the colorful candy and held it up for the little girl.

Lily all but tackled the bag, her eyes wide with excitement. "I haven't had these in ages! Thanks, Kitty!"

Kat waved it off as nothing, but she and I both know that she's got a soft spot for that little girl. Even the wildest of beasts have their weaknesses, hers just happens to be kids.

So, this is our merry band of misfits. There's me, June Rivers, and my little sister, Lily. Then we've got Leon 'Lee' Rodgers, and the infamous Katherine Bay. If you call her Katherine, though, she'll rant about her 'bloody, old-fashioned' parents. We try to keep the use of 'Katherine' to a minimum.

You've probably already noticed this, but we've got a rather nasty situation on our hands. When I say nasty, I mean nasty. Blood dripping out of the mouth, guts hanging out nasty.

Zombies.

Video game nerds and teenage boys alike have dreamed of this apocalypse since the dawn of the twenty-first century. Everyone has always wondered, 'what would a zombie really be like?'

Well, my friend, they're not as exciting as you'd expect. They mostly waddle around, moaning and groaning. The longer they've been zombified, the more disgusting they are, since their bodies decompose like any other dead thing. They're slow, for the most part, but there are those zombies that can do this odd hobble-run, and it's like they never get tired! That's how they get you; they can run on forever, but you can't.

Of course, a zombie apocalypse would have been no problem, had people been prepared. You'd be surprised how many people didn't have guns! It's a mixture of no self-defense, and the heartbreaking thought of killing a human being. When you watch those zombie movies, you don't realize how hard it really is to shoot the zombified versions of your neighbors, or worse; your family.

Lily and I were lucky. She was visiting me on the east coast when it all went down. Kat was the funny friend who lived across the hall in my apartment building. She was always bringing over booze and throwing football parties in her room. Lee, on the other hand, worked at the bar down the street. Oh, I can't tell you how often Kat would come home, muttering about the 'prick' who wouldn't sell her any more beer. He and I got along just fine, though.

All in all, I'd known those two for about... Well... Five years, I guess! Since I'd started university.

Now, we were on the road! Driving around in Lee's beat-down 90's car, doing our best to avoid dying.

Yepp. Living the life.

"So, where are we headed, today?" Kat yawned from the back, stretching her legs out as much as the car would allow.

Lee shrugged, his eyes fixed on the road. "I've got to get some gas, soon. There's a small town about twenty miles north. I was thinking we could stop there, for a bit. Fill up the tank, drive through the night."

Ohh... Not so fond of that idea. "We're headed west, Lee. Can't we just stop somewhere along the way?" I asked, but he shook his head.

"I know these parts. My parents and I used to travel this way to go visit my grandparents. This town was practically abandoned before the zombies. It's more like a truck stop than an actually living area."

"Mmm... Not to sure I like the idea of zombie truck drivers coming after me..." Kat rested her head on the shoulder of Lee's chair.

"I'm not to fond of any zombies coming after me..." Lily shuddered from the back seat, her eyes examining the abandoned cars on the highway.

Agreed, sister.

Unfortunately, Leelee didn't agree. "Come on, guys! Just trust me on this!"

I sighed and looked back to Kat for input.

She shrugged. "Zombies or no zombies. Either way it's a sad experience. I'm up for whatever."

Great... It's up to me, now. Stupid gas guzzling car...

It's never an easy decision, deciding where and when to stop. There's always the chance that a zombie could be out there, just waiting to eat you alive. I've got the welfare of my sister to think of, too...

Still, a car needs gas, and it'd be best if we didn't run out while running from zombies.

"If you say it's safe, then we'll go." I sighed, finally giving in.

Lee laughed, switching lanes to avoid a stray zombie. "It's an apocalypse, Junie. No place is safe."

About twenty minutes later, we pulled off of the highway.

Lee was right. This place was small and isolated. There was a motel, a distant diner, a small grocery store, and the beloved gas station. Lee slowed us down to avoid alerting any nearby zombies, and carefully pulled us into the station.

"Usual drill?" Kat asked, as though we were simply walking through the mall.

"Usual drill." Lee answered, equally as casual.

The two hopped out of the car, guns at the ready. Lee approached the gas station door and peeked inside. He and Kat made their way in, and I could see them making their rounds through the window. Check the aisles, clear the bathrooms, check out the supply rooms... Everything is checked.

Then, we get the thumbs up.

"Alright, Lily. Bathroom break?"

The young girl shook her head rapidly, looking wide-eyed at her surroundings. "Nope. I'm good."

Sigh... "Come on, Lils. I know you have to go. Go and enjoy the luxury of a toilet for once." It sure as heck beats the side of the road while your friends shoot at zombies.

Even though that makes for a good story.

Unfortunately, there's no one to hear it...

Lily let out a sigh and unbuckled her seatbelt. "What if a zombie attacks?"

"Kat will protect you. Go on, sweetie. Grab some candy, while you're at it."

At that offer, Lily practically sprinted for the bathroom. Silly girl... Not even a zombie apocalypse can erase a child's love for sweets.

Well, I'd best get to work.

I climbed up onto the roof of our car and scanned the surroundings. The grocery store sat right across the street from us, its empty parking lot setting me at ease.

At least it didn't look like there were any zombies around. No cars, no houses... Decent. Nice work, Lee.

Soon enough, my friends were back in the car (Lily with bags full of goodies, and Kat with another case of beer), and we were pulling out. A successful day! We got a full tank of gas, lots of food and sweets, and a ton of booze - unnecessary booze, but hey! It's something.

"Wait!" Kat screamed. "Stop the car!"

Lee slammed on the breaks and pulled out his pistol. "What is it?"

Kat pointed straight ahead, right to the grocery store. "Someone's in there!"

Oh, goodness. "Kat, we're not stopping for zombies!" We're trying to avoid them, actually.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No, no! They're people! I see them! They've got kids with them!"

A little peeved, I scanned the windows of the store , and, wouldn't you know, there was movement. Whether or not that movement consisted of zombies was still questionable, though."

"Just forget about it, Kat." Lee stepped on the gas once more, putting his gun away.

Unfortunately, Kat can't simply forget things once they've caught her attention. That foolish woman jumped out of the car and bolted for the grocery store.

Crap.

"Kat, get back here!" I grabbed my gun and went after her, silently cursing myself for not just letting her go.

Like I said before, she's got a good shot.

We reached the doors just as I was catching up to her, and she stopped.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I whisper-yelled, grabbing her arm to drag her back to the car.

She shushed me, her ear focused on the half-open doors. I could hear just the slightest sound at first, but soon enough I could catch an entire conversation.

"What do you think this is, Merry?" A cheerful little voice rang out in an odd, thick accent.

"I don't know, Pip!" Another voice replied in that same accent.

"Well, d'you think we could eat it?" The first voice asked.

"Don't eat anything!" A new voice entered the mix, far more deep than the other two. "Not until we find out where we are."

"Where is Gandalf?" Another voice asked.

Hearing enough, Kat and I ran through the door, guns at the ready.

Let's just say that we were met with an interesting sight.

It was like the Renaissance festival workers got hungry for more than just turkey legs, so they came into town for more variety. There were four men and four children, but one of the men was clearly a midget, and the kids looked just like mini adults. Only, their ears... They were pointed.

One of the men pointed an arrow at us, and the others drew... swords

A little panicked, Kat and I aimed our guns.

"Drop your weapons!" Kat shouted, and one of the little children dropped his dagger.

"Pippin!" One of them glared at the now weaponless little man.

"Sorry, Merry!" He held his hands up, eyes wide with fear. "I panicked!"

The men held their ground, not at all bothered by our guns. The particularly tall man with dark, greasy hair took a step forward, so I took this opportunity to shoot a warning bullet into the ceiling.

"Get back!"

The group of men jumped, their eyes on the new hole in the roof. They lowered their weapons, but continued to hold them at the ready.

"Witchcraft!" The midget man with a long, fuzzy beard cried out. He clung to a giant axe for comfort, and you could hardly see his face underneath a massive helmet.

"For real, little man?" Kat laughed. "Witchcraft? What are we, puritans?"

Dang it, Kat. Don't tick off the men with the sharp, pointy blades...

That 'little man' about had a fit. "Little man?" He studdered, hardly able to believe his ears. "I am a dwarf!"

Well, that's new.

"Miladies!" The tall, greasy man who had stepped forward raised his free hand in what seemed like a gesture of peace. "Drop your weapons, and then we may speak peacefully to one another as civilized beings."

Due to my unwillingness to argue and Kat's love for kids, we lowered our guns, but were sure to stay prepared. That warning shot could have alerted nearby zombies, and now we've got these men to deal with.

Lovely.

"Who are you, and where did you guys come from?" Better to start at the beginning, eh?

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn." The tall man gave us a slight bow. "These are my companions; Boromir of Gondor, Legolas of the woodland realm, Gimli son of Gloin, and these four hobbits are Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Frodo. We come from the mines of Moria."

"Uhuh..." Kat gave me a funny look before turning back to the men. "And I'm Captain Kat of the Black Pearl. This here's my partner in crime, Lady June of Bikini Bottom."

One of the men, the blonde one with those ridiculous sculpted elf ears raised an eyebrow at us. "You are pirates?"

Kat did a dramatic bow. "You are correct, sir."

"Kat!" I elbowed her in the gut and sent her a warning glare. "We're not pirates, we're survivors of the apocalypse. Now, seriously, who are you and where are you from?" My best guess? These were a couple of nerds who had dreamt of the apocalypse their entire lives. Now, they're just dying to play hero.

The man called Aragorn shook his head. "I told you the truth, milady. We came from down there." He pointed behind the front counter, where a little trap door met with a staircase leading to the basement.

When I moved to go downstairs, Aragorn stopped me.

"I would not go down there, milady. We barely escaped with our lives. We were attacked by a monster. It was lurking within the lake..."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll be fine." I moved around the giant man and carefully made my way down the stairs.

Just as I expected!

A basement.

Turning back to the group of foreign men, I studied their apparel more closely. Cloaks, swords, daggers, bows and arrows... Chainmail?

"What kind of game are you trying to play?" Sure, it'd be understandable if they were just using these things for their own protection. Chainmail would do a good job at protecting from zombie bites. They just had to bring their own little stories into it.

"We play no games, milady!" One of the 'hobbits' cried- Merry, I think- looking just as frustrated as I was. "We're telling you the truth! We don't know where we are, and we don't know where Gandalf is."

Aragorn sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "We would very much appreciate it if you could tell us where we are. I have been through Moria once before, and this is far from the mines." He looked down the stairs, a look of pure confusion on his face as he studied the lakeless basement. "It would be best for us to find our way back, and soon. We have a friend that is still down there."

"A man, asking for directions?" Kat laughed. "You see something new every day."

No joke. "You're in western Virginia. I'm not sure what city this is, though. We're just passing by."

The foreigners exchanged looks.

"Where's Virginia?" Pippin asked, earning an elbow in the gut from Merry.

"Ahh... I am not sure that we have had the pleasure of visiting Virginia?" Aragorn sighed, exchanging a worried glance with the other dark-haired man. Boromir, I think. "In which direction may we find Gondor?"

This time, it was my turn to exchange glances with Kat.

"Is that like a city, or something?" Kat inquired, looking to me for support.

Boromir's eyes widened. "It is a country, milady. East of Rohan. Do you not know of it? It lies to the west of Mordor's black gates."

Okay, that description helps a lot. "Look, I'm no genius when it comes to geography, but I'm pretty sure that those countries don't exist. Actually, I'm positive that they don't."

A gunshot rang from outside, and I looked out the window to see Lee shooting at three approaching zombies.

"Kat, go help him out, will ya?" Without another word, she was out there bashing zombies in the head. I turned back to the men and studied them closely. "Look, I'm convinced that you're crazy, but that really doesn't matter right now. You've got the little guys to protect, and we could use some more muscle. Come with us for now, and we'll sort things out later. We'll just have to find a globe, first..."

Of course, no one answered me at first, because they were all watching the zombie battle going on in the parking lot. Kat was using Leon as bait while she picked of any zombies that came near him.

After clearing my throat, Aragorn finally answered. "We have no other choice. Lead the way."

"What about Gandalf?" Frodo grabbed the man's shoulder, looking ticked and worried. "We cannot leave him behind!"

Legolas, the man with the ridiculous sculpted ears, stepped forward and whispered quietly into Aragorn's ear. He spoke in an odd language that I had never heard of before. It sounded nothing like French or Spanish, and the accent didn't resemble any other modern languages that I'd heard. If anything, it sounded like Old Norse.

Yepp. These guys are nerds.

Aragorn nodded silently to his friend, exchanging looks with Boromir, as well. "We go with the women. At present, they are our only sources of information. Gandalf is wise and powerful; he will find his way back to Rivendell. As for us, we must rely on our own resources."

Amid many complaints from the hobbits and Gimli, I led the group out into the sunlight. Let me tell you, it was like taking Amazon tribesmen into New York City. The hobbits studied everything with wide, fearful eyes, yet there was a curiosity in them that was evident. The men, however, did their best to keep on their poker-faces, even though their eyes continued to study their surroundings in amazement.

Not much to look at, if you ask me. A couple of old power lines and an abandoned pit-stop. Grass was sprouting through cracks in the pavement, and the buildings had a clear veil of dirt on their faded walls. It was no Mona Lisa.

Lee looked up to us from where he sat on the hood of his car. His hazel eyes brightened considerably at the sight of our newcomers.

"More survivors!" He exclaimed, wiping sweat from his prow. He hopped down from his car and strode over to the men, extending his hand for a handshake. "Leon Rodgers. You can call me Lee, though. I've gotta say, it's great to see that we're not the only ones alive..."

While the men got acquainted, I turned to Kat, who was sneakily putting on perfume behind the car. With a humored eye-roll, I snatched the perfume from Kat and tossed it back into the trunk. "Go get some more food. We're traveling with these men for a few days."

"Oh, really?" She raised an eyebrow and gave the men quick once-overs. "Well, dreams do come true."

"Please, don't make me regret inviting them." I don't need Lily exposed to anything too... Adult.

Kat gave me an innocent pout. "What are you talking about, June bug?" She then gave me a quick wink before heading back to the store.

That woman will be the death of us all.

With a sigh, I knocked on the car's back window. "Lily, you can come out, now."

My little sister peeked her blue eyes through the window, scanning her surroundings. They stopped at the hobbits, wide and amazed. "Elves!" She cried, hopping out of the car door and running for the little ones, who greeted her with big smiles.

"We're not elves, milady!" Sam gave her a shy smile.

"We're hobbits!" Merry chirped.

I rolled my eyes. Hobbits, indeed.

"So, where are you guys from?" Lee asked the men, who were eyeing a fallen zombie suspiciously.

"We can finish introductions, later." I sighed, cutting in on Lee's guy-time. Poor man's got to feel terrible, having to spend every day surrounded by women and zombies. "Right now, we've got to find a new car."

Lee's eyes brightened. Cars were his thing. "Of course! What kind of car do you guys prefer? We've got room for one more in our car, and I'm sure that we could find you guys a mini-van, somewhere..."

Okay, now I've got to break it to him. "Actually, Lee, I was thinking that we'd just get a big trailer for all of us..."

Lee blinked. "You mean, for you to drive, and I'll follow you in my car?"

Sigh... "No, I mean for you, too."

The man looked like he was about to have a heart attack. "I'm not getting rid of my car! I've had it since I first learned how to drive!"

"I know, I know! But you're the best driver we've got! We need you with us!"

"No, no, no!"

"Come on, Lee! Please!" I begged. "We can't get separated! The group has to stick together. Your car can't make it much farther."

"My car is fine!" He huffed, getting in the driver's seat and slamming the door. He put the key in the ignition and turned it.

The car didn't start.

Wow... Perfect timing!

Lee tried again, looking like he was ready to cry.

No luck.

The little devil on my shoulder smiled.

"Fine..." Lee sighed, slamming the car door behind him. "There's a camp site not too far from here. We could get there by nightfall if we left now."

"How do you know all of this?" Kat asked, returning with her hands full of bags.

Lee shrugged. "My grandparents used to live around here. I traveled a lot, back then."

Hey, at least someone knows what they're doing. "Lead the way, my friend!"


	2. Chapter 2: Buddy System

Thank you guys for reading and reviewing! It's really appreciated. :)

Again, please let me know if you have any ideas or wishes! This isn't going to be all about romance and stuff. It's just... I dunno. Not that.

Anyways, this chapter isn't like, oober awesome or anything. I'm just working on getting my characters into a place where I can do more character development and plot stuff. It's just another set-up chapter. Things will get better as I move forward.

I don't own Lord of the Rings, or the Black Pearl, or Bikini Bottom. I also don't own Zombieland, it just seems to fit well into the story.

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><p>Everything was quiet as we walked down the empty street. Of course, it wasn't always so nice and peaceful. It took us about ten minutes to get those hobbits to stop rambling on about the Shire. Rolling hills, bright, blue skies, and all the food you can eat. Sounds like Heaven. Even if we didn't have to stay quiet for the zombies, I still wouldn't have been able to take the stories of feasts and parties. It was enough to make even Lee's stomach grumble.<p>

That's just the price of rationing food, I suppose. That, and having nothing to eat but nonperishable noodles and granola bars... Yum.

Of course, unless you want to eat candy, but that's dangerous. You've got to stay in shape in times like these! Take Zombieland

It's not like we didn't want to talk. Lee wanted to make some guy pals, Kat wanted to flirt, Lily wanted to hear about the Shire, and I just wanted to know what I'd gotten us into. After all, it's not often that you run into survivors, here. Even then, not all of them are friendly. A lot of people are desperate, and will gladly kill you for the food and supplies you carry. It's dangerous, out there. You may run into scavengers, who will rape you, kill you, and steal your supplies without a hint of guilt. But there are still some good people. We've run into a few nice people, but it's been quite some time since then... As much as we would have liked to extend our party to others, it's never worked out. Everyone has their own idea on what's safe and what works, so it was always best to just keep to ourselves, after a while.

Then, we run into these odd people. Maybe they're delusional? Heck, I don't know. After about an hour of walking, they seemed quite nice. Then again, the only ones who ever talked were the hobbits. The men simply watched the trees that lined the road, hands close to their sword hilts.

Who knows? Maybe I'll regret this. They look like strong, capable men, and we need all the help we can get. It seems like the further we go, the more zombies we find. On the other hand, maybe these guys will grow on me? I don't know, that little 'dwarf' seems like a cool drinking buddy.

At one point in our trip, Kat moved up to the front of the line with me. "Not the most talkative fellas, are they?" She observed, shifting the weight of the gun bag on her back.

"They can hear you, you know..." I whispered back, turning my head to see the men exchanging looks with one another.

"Oh, I know!" She smiled, turning to wave at our followers. "How's it going, crew?" Then, she turned back to me, and whispered rather loudly. "I'm trying to gain a response from the serious one with the big horn. I think it's working!"

If anything, dear Kat, he'll grow tired of your prodding, and he'll either kill you or tie you up and gag you. Come to think of it, you might like the last one. Creep.

"The only reason we are silent is because we were asked to be so." Boromir defended himself, his hands full of stuffed grocery bags. "Might I inquire as to what we are hiding from?" He shook the bags around as well, curious at its annoying sound. "And what is this material?"

Someone doesn't know what plastic is? Refreshing. "That, my friend, is plastic. And we're hiding from the zombies- you know that."

"Yes, you mentioned them." He replied, slightly frustrated. "But what are they, exactly? They look like injured, mad men and women... Almost as though they've been dead for weeks."

"Because they have been." Kat shrugged. "They used to be just like us. Then, they were stupid and got themselves bitten. Zombies are just the walking dead."

"So they're people?" Frodo's eyes widened in shock. "Does this happen to everyone who dies?"

Well, lately, that's been the case. "No. It's just a disease." At least... I think so? "If a zombie bites you, you turn into one."

To be quite honest, I don't know exactly how this whole thing got started. Sure, there are tons of rumors. It's been blamed on the common cold, mad cow disease, rotten meat, rabies, and even mad scientists. Really, there are too many stories to put together a good answer.

"Is there no cure?" Frodo asked.

Sam, who was usually quiet, took this time to speak his mind. "If you ask me, Mr. Frodo, I'd say that there's no curing those things... If what milady says is right, then they're already dead. What's lost is lost."

I like this Sam character.

"What are your names, by the way?" Pippin asked. "We know Lee and Lily, but your names haven't come up."

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed from her spot between Merry and Pippin. "That there's my sister, June, and she's Kitty."

"Kitty?" Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Like a cat?"

Kat turned to the tall blonde and winked. "Precisely."

Lee rolled his eyes and stopped our wandering group. "We're here."

There we stood atop a steep incline, overlooking a wide clearing in the trees. Trailers and tents of all shapes and sizes were scattered about the land, and random trash bits covered old fire pits and hung over bushes.

"This must have been used as an old refugee camp." Lee observed, his eyes scanning the layout of the area. "I can't imagine why anyone would simply want to go camping during a zombie apocalypse. Then again, that's just me. Anyways, we should be careful. There are still cars and trailers, here. Zombies could be anywhere." He let out a sigh and put his grocery bags down on the road. "So... Who wants to stay with the little ones? Who's least afraid of dying?"

"Are you telling me that you are just going to run down there and see if you get killed?" Legolas inquired, looking less than thrilled about our intended suicide mission.

"That's the plan!" Kat chirped, bouncing on her heels. "Of course, if you ask me, I'd say that it takes a complete idiot to get killed by a zombie. It's the former athletes you've got to look out for..."

No joke. Have you ever been attacked by a zombie cheerleader? It's horrifying. Not only are they peppy, but they're fast. That was back when Lee was too wimpy to kill a woman. Kat took care of that one, no problem. Bashed her head in with a chair. Girl was bullied by cheerleaders, way back in the day. Glad I never tried out...

"So..." Lee looked around at the confused faces of our newest members. "Who's with me?"

"I'll go." I shrugged, since no one else was volunteering. "Knowing you, you'll end up falling in love with some old classic, and we'll leave with another piece of crap..."

"Hey! Bethany wasn't a piece of crap!"

Yeah, whatever.

We stood quietly as the men exchanged confused looks.

"Oh, please! Don't everybody volunteer at once!" Kat threw her hands up with much dramatics. After some disappointment at failing to receive a laugh, she sighed. "Tough crowd."

Boromir, finally reaching his limit with my ridiculous friend, was the first to step up. "I will go."

"Boromir, are you sure that you are endangering yourself for the right reasons?" Aragorn put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Do we even know what we're after?"

"You could always ask, you know." Again, with Kat's unnecessary remarks. "That's a good way to receive information."

She received several glares from our companions, especially from Boromir.

This is getting ridiculous. "Look, if you don't want to go, then don't! Obviously, you guys aren't too hot about the idea of traveling with us, and I don't blame you. Kat's annoying as hell."

"Hey!"

I rolled my eyes, ignoring Kat's pout. "I just invited you because I'm trying to protect my sister, okay? But if you guys don't want to be here, then fine, we don't want you. Good luck finding your way around this hell hole. Come on, Lee." I grabbed my friend's arm and began dragging him down the hill, leaving Kat to deal with the aftermath of my spaz attack.

She turned awkwardly to the men, an innocent grin on her face. "Don't mind her, she's crazy."

After much staring and wild chatter from the hobbits, things started to look up.

"Boromir, where are you going?" Aragorn called after the man, who had dropped his bags and was beginning to follow us down the steep hill.

"I told them that I would go, so I am going!" He called back, stopping only to urge his party forward. "What other options do we have?"

Aragorn, finally giving in, dropped his bags and called back to his remaining friends. "Stay here!"

Kat chuckled, elbowing Legolas playfully in the gut. "Oh, goody! We get stuck with the cute one!" She turned to Lily and gave her a wink as the man shot her a deadly look.

My sister will be poisoned by the end of this all.

* * *

><p>Shoot.<p>

We hid behind a large, beat-up tent, our eyes fixed upon a wandering zombie ahead of us. It didn't look like much of a threat, since one of its legs was broken, and it was wobbling along slower than a turtle.

Still, where one is, there can be dozens.

"What is our strategy?" Aragorn whispered to Lee, studying the zombie with amazement.

I remember when I saw my first zombie... It ate my dog, Fatty. Bashed its head in with the toilet seat, I did!

Lee's eyebrows were furrowed as his mind began to process all of our options. He looked around the camping grounds, just praying that there would be no more zombies. "Well... So far, our strategy is to not get caught. And if we do get caught, then our strategy is to not get bit. And if we do get bitten? Well... Then it's every man for himself."

"But we're not going to let it get to that." I sighed, eyeing the area for a preferable vehicle. "We've got plenty of hiding places. This should be no problem. Just... Don't use your gun unless you have to. Alright, Lee?" I sent my trigger-happy friend a warning glance.

He smiled, unconcerned, and pat the baseball bat attached to his belt. "No problamo!"

Right. Anyways. "I see a nice one, about one-o'clock. Big enough to fit all of us. See it?"

"No, no. It's too old." Lee popped my bubble without a second thought.

Okay... "Well, what about that one?" I pointed to another one, a nice peachy color.

"That's the ugliest color I've ever seen."

Wow. "Okay, well that one over there..."

"Too new. An alarm will go off the second we set hands on it, no doubt."

"Oh my gosh, Lee!" I will smite you down, boy!

"If I may interject..." Aragorn tapped on Lee's shoulder. "I am a foreigner to such... Inventions, such as these. But, if we are talking in the matter of size, then that one looks quite promising."

He pointed out a nice, big RV clear on the other side of camp. It looked new, but not too new. Clean, but not too clean. Big, but just big enough to fit us all comfortably. Lee's heart was won. It was love at first sight.

"I shall call her Veronica!"

Yes, yes, Veronica. "Nice name. You might want to wait until we get through the camp to name her, though. It'd be a shame if you died and left her alone in this dark, cruel world..."

"Yes... It would be quite sad..." He sighed, a smile still plastered on his face. "Which is why we've gotta be quick about this. Let's stick together. We'll creep our way around and... Well. Yeah. Let's just go with that."

Aragorn shook his head in disappointment. "That is a pretty poor plan. Still, I do not claim to know of the habits of these creatures that you seem to fear so much. So, we will follow you, and guard you with our swords."

Cool, thanks!

We let Lee lead the way, slowly at first. Asides from the single zombie wandering around, we didn't encounter much to worry about. Out steps were light, careful to avoid falling into tents and alerting any zombies that may be chilling out within. As time wore on, Lee got cocky.

Okay, so you can see that things are about to get bad. A person can't get cocky in a zombie movie without getting killed. Bad, bad emotion, confidence. Especially in the hands of Leon Rodgers.

You see, Lee's typically the calm, realistic one. He has a sense of humor, don't get me wrong. It's just that he's usually got his head on straight. Which is why I stress the fact that he, of all people, should not be allowed to have confidence in dire situations. You can thank the fact that he's got these new guy buds to impress. I'm sure that he's just dying for a friend that doesn't have boobs.

Anyways, as I was saying. Lee was getting a bit too confident in his step. He walked to and from tents, hardly looking around the corner for the possible man-eating beast. His very posture was just screaming, 'don't mind me, I do this all the time.' We, in fact, DO do this all the time. Which is precisely why he should know better.

I just let him go. If he gets attacked, that's his problem.

Okay, that's my problem, too... I'll just bring up the topic.

"Hey, Lee... You _might_ want to be a bit more careful, you know... Zombies, and all."

He waved me off, like his very existence mattered little. "Oh, please. They're all probably gone, by now..."

Just like in a movie, a zombie arrived, moaning and groaning as it took hold of Lee's arm.

The look on his face was priceless. Or, it would have been, had his life not been in danger. The poor zombie only had enough time to let out a gurgle before Boromir slashed off its arm, and then its head.

It fell to the ground, motionless, its pale eyes staring blankly into space.

You want to know the funny part, though? Its severed arm hung from Lee, its hand still clutching him in a firm death-grip.

And I thought that his previous look was priceless. He looked ready to cry.

"Get... It... Off..." He sat perfectly still, arm outstretched, and eyes wide.

Aragorn looked sadly down at the creature, whose arm still clung to our friend. "This disease is disgusting..."

"Hello... Help!" Lee waved his arm around, and the zombie limb flew off and hit me in the face.

Not so funny, anymore. Crazy, how that works.

Immediately, I gagged, feeling completely and utterly disgusted. Its blood spattered across my face, and the stench of it was unbearable.

I threw up. Right there. Loud, relentless hurling.

Aragorn placed a hand on my back, his eyes wide with concern. "Milady, are you alright? Did you catch the disease?"

I shook my head violently, still gagging, not wanting them to jump to conclusions and chop my head off. "No, no!" I choked out.

Aragorn held my hair back, just like a best friend would after New Years, and pulled out a handkerchief.

"Thanks..." I groaned, taking the handkerchief and wiping my face.

A loud _thwap!_ sounded off, and I looked up to see Lee bashing a zombie's head in with his bat.

Great. My loud puking alerted the zombies.

There were three of them, all zombified long ago. Their skin was rotten and pale, and their bodies were weakened by decomposition.

They were no problem, of course. It was the mass of zombies we came across after the initial three were beheaded.

"Crap..." I sighed, and Lee cursed under his breath. I pulled out my gun and shot the closest zombie before taking off running. "Get to the RV!"

We ran as fast as we could, Lee and I wasting away our on-hand ammo, and Boromir and Aragorn slicing away like it was nothing. I mean, of course it was _something_, or else we wouldn't be running around panicked, with a bunch of zombies chasing after us. That's pretty bad stuff, right there.

When we finally reached the RV, Lee ran in, jumping in the driver's seat, while I did a five-second run-down on the place. No zombies.

"Get inside!" I cried to Aragorn and Boromir, who had been blocking the monsters from entering.

They didn't argue, and they quickly slammed the door behind them, leaving dozens of zombies slapping at our door.

Lee fumbled with the keys, which were (thankfully) sitting on the dashboard. There were several keys, and each one that didn't work was thrown to the side. Finally, he found the right one and kicked us into drive.

Have you ever seen those funny videos of people riding roller coasters, and they're just freaking out? You know the ones that I'm talking about. Where they get shot off into the sky like a slingshot? Not really a roller coaster, but you're catching my drift. Anyways, they're freaking out completely. Point taken and received.

So, that was almost the exact picture of Aragorn and Boromir. Only, they weren't so much panic-screaming, they were simply stunned into oblivion. Their eyes were wide, their mouths were hanging open in surprise, and they fought to cling onto anything that could keep them safe.

Hilarious.

Don't get me wrong, I kind of wanted to scream, too. Lee was running over fire pits and nailing zombies left and right. It was a horrifying experience. Pretty soon, we were on our way up the hill, a couple of zombies trailing behind. We pulled up to our friends, who were sitting in a circle on the ground.

"So wait, Bilbo is your uncle?" Kat asked, running a hand through her thick black hair.

"Well, _technically_, he's Frodo's first and second cousin, once removed..." Merry tried to explain, but Lily shook her head.

"No, no. You'll make her brain blow up. Let's just stick with uncle and nephew."

"Guys!" I yelled out, opening the door as we pulled up to our friends. "Get in!"

The hobbits, Legolas, and Gimli stared at our RV in awe.

"When did that get there?" The dwarf exclaimed before being ushered inside.

Kat and Lily grabbed all of our bags and quickly carried them inside.

"What is this?" Merry wandered around the RV, touching anything and everything that was shiny. Then, Lee stepped on the gas, and the picture was quite similar to what we just experienced with Boromir and Aragorn. Gimli fell to the ground, shouting "EARTHQUAKE!" While Legolas clung to the wall, eyes wide and confused. The hobbits fell to the ground, as well, screaming out for dear life.

It's good to laugh, once in a while. Maybe I can learn to live with these guys.

* * *

><p>"Ughhh..." Gimli groaned for the millionth time that hour.<p>

"Gimli... We've given you all of the medicine we have for motion sickness... _Please_ just go throw up and get it over with." I rubbed my head tiredly, sick of playing nurse.

The dwarf was clearly being a drama queen. We'd been driving for four hours, and everyone else was already getting used to this 'witchcraft,' as Gimli liked to call it. The little man was completely hogging the couch!

Lily, the kindhearted one, sat loyally at the dwarf's side, holding a glass of water for her new friend. "Don't worry, mister Gimli. My momma took good care of me; I know exactly how you feel. It will pass, soon enough."

The dwarf let out a sigh and pat my little sister on the back. "Oh! Thank you, lassie. You're going to grow up to be a fine woman!"

"Am I not a fine woman?" Kat teased, gracing our group with her humor once more. She is beautiful, but it seems as though her humor was just too much for most people. All she got was a huff and an eye roll from Lee. She laughed, shaking her head. "Water's not going to do you any good, Gimli. If you want to feel good, I know the perfect remedy..."

"Oh no..." I groaned, ready to smash my head against the dashboard.

"Are you a healer, milady?" Aragorn asked as he flipped through a cooking magazine. I'm not even going to try to tell you about his fascination with pictures. Honestly, you'd think that these people have lived under a rock their entire lives. I'm sure that they've hit their heads.

Kat giggled at his question. "Of sorts. I know the best medicine..." She pulled out the dreaded booze.

"Kat, please..." I sighed, begging her to be cooperative for once in her life.

"What's the problem, June?" She smiled at me. "I know that you like a good drink now and then, too. Lighten up a bit! We've got guests!"

"Aye, milady! Us dwarves know much about hospitality!" Gimli boasted, his voice oozing with pride. "What can you offer to rid me of such sickness?"

How's about a hangover?

Kat, of course, had different views on it. "Only the finest beer in America!" She popped open a beer and handed it to Gimli. "Or would you prefer some wine?"

That dwarf looked at Kat like she was the most beautiful woman left on this earth. "I'll drink whatever my host will part with!" He then proceeded to chug down that booze like the ultimate frat boy.

Disgusting.

I shook my head and turned back to the table. The layout of our new RV was quite simple, and it had just enough room to fit us all. There was a table that could fit at least four, depending on who was sitting there, and seats enough to go around. There was a TV (no working cable), a radio, a bathroom, a small bedroom, a couple of built-in bunks, and a nice, long couch. Not only that, but the former owner had stocked it full of water bottles and blankets. We were set.

"I believe that you may go fish, milady." Merry smiled happily from the other side of the table. The hobbits and I were playing cards, you see, and I was losing terribly. Basically every card was in my hand, yet I _still_ didn't have a pair.

I sighed and drew from the thinning stack. "Where are we going now, Lee?"

My friend had been driving nonstop, his giant maps spread out all around him. The sky had darkened, and it was about time for us to stop for the night.

"We're going to Tennessee." He yawned, rubbing his tired eyes. It had been a long day. "Maybe Kentucky. I dunno. Both states have relatively wide population distributions, so we shouldn't run into too much trouble, so long as we stay away from major cities."

Good, good. This has been the plan since the very beginning. Head west, where the population shrinks, and head up to Canada, where the zombies will freeze! First, we've got to go to Arizona. We might check up on people we know down there, depending on how well everything works out. It may be a hopeless gesture, but we've got to cling onto the last bit of humanity we've got, right?

"I can live with that plan. Just find a good place to stop, so you can get some sleep." It'd be a shame if Lee fell asleep at the wheel and killed us all.

He yawned and nodded. "Alright, alright." He pulled the car over on the empty highway and put it in park. "This place is as good as any."

"Is Tennessee a nearby country?" Aragorn asked, observing our little go-fish game.

"No, it's a nearby state." After an entire day of silly questions, I decided that it was best to just deal with it and not question their knowledge.

Aragorn's eyebrows furrowed. "I see... And what is Tennessee like? Is it also infested with zombies?"

Let's hope not! "Well... There are a lot of mountains? As for the zombies... Well, they're mostly everywhere."

"Ah..." Aragorn nodded. "Then what is our overall plan? Will we ever free ourselves of these monsters and find civilization? Or are we doomed to wander on until death takes us?"

Lee and I exchanged looks. _Hopefully_ we won't die. Again, that's just hope.

"We're going to head north, once the population thins out." Lee sighed, finally. "We'll cross the ocean to the west, to Russia. Until then, we've just got to be careful."

"And we've got to live a little." Kat interjected. "Don't forget living. If we're going to get eaten alive by zombies, I at least want to have some fun. Anyone up for Yellowstone National Park? Maybe the Grand Canyon?"

"We're not here for fun, Kat." Lee rolled his eyes and began to munch on some beef jerky.

Kat put her hands on her hips. "Might as well go sight-seeing while we can, right? We're alive and well! Have you never seen Zombieland? Rule number thirty-two! Enjoy the little things!"

Huh... Zombieland. They got out alright, didn't they? I hate to say it, but maybe Kat has a point.

"We'll talk about it in the morning. For now, let's just get some sleep." Lee sighed. Kat was lucky- Zombieland is his favorite movie.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go find a copy of that movie?


	3. Chapter 3: Of Map Reading & Deer Slaying

Sorry for the way delayed update. I would make up an excuse, but excuses are lame. Anyways, I hope this chapter suffices! I really struggled writing this because I'd forgotten my initial plan for this chapter and my previous writings sucked. So. Let's hope this is better. The fellowship's slowly warming up to our modern friends.

I don't own Lord of the Rings. I don't own Zombieland, either. Any similarities between this story and Zombieland are either coincidental or a direct reference made by one of the characters.

* * *

><p>Sleep is important in a zombie apocalypse. It's actually one of the most important things. Even so, it's one of the rarest luxuries. Of course, one could easily close their eyes and fall asleep if they wanted to. We just have to be careful with where and when we do, and sleeping on the highway with no streetlights isn't exactly the ideal place to snooze in any world.<p>

I sat with my back against the wall, wide awake. We'd blocked the door and locked all of the windows, and the blinds had been shut. We couldn't afford to use any form of light lest a passing zombie notice the faint glow from the small slits in the blinds. We've learned to be thorough.

Lily slept peacefully beside me, curled up next to Kat. Though I couldn't see him, I knew that Lee sat awake by the door, gun in hand. It was his turn to stand guard, but I could guarantee you that nearly every single person was still awake. I'd experienced some restless nights, but this by far was the worst. Not only did we have eight odd men on board, but some zombie was constantly bumping up against our car. Its faint gurgles and groans were enough to keep anyone awake. The only words I heard all night was Lee swearing to kill that thing in the morning.

Oh, and the summer heat was killing me. I was all of the sudden very grateful that Kat thought to pick up deodorant over granola bars. The beer's pretty nice, too. At least we were better off now than before. Even though I was on the floor and the Hobbits had the beds, I was content. The last time I slept I was in a tree.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of darkness and creepy zombie noises, I dozed off. A little while later, I woke up to the refreshing noise of a zombie getting its head smashed. After that, Lee strolled in with a smug grin on his face.

"Took care of that." He said in a self-congratulatory manner, setting his bat beside the door. "Congratulations, everyone. You've survived yet another day in this apocalypse!"

"How long has this been going on, exactly?" Asked Aragorn, who was still sitting on his little makeshift bed beside the hobbits.

We all looked to Lily; the only one who bothered to keep track. The girl liked to remember things, which is why our parents always bought her colorful calendars for Christmas. She pulled a little calendar out of her backpack and flipped through the pages. "May twenty-sixth was the first reported sighting. It took two weeks for the government to call it a pandemic, about another week before everyone was ordered to stay inside, and then another week before our apartment building was overrun. So, one month exactly from the first sighting until we left. That'd be June twenty-sixth. It's July twenty-fifth, now. So... I guess you could say this has been going on for two months." She quickly counted up the little squares. "Sixty days, to be exact."

Huh. Sixty days. Feels like years.

"Awhh, it's almost our month anniversary!" Kat laughed before turning to Lee. "I want flowers, damn it."

"The only flowers you're getting will be on your grave..." He mumbled, earning a playful punch from Kat. "I was just kidding!" He raised his arms in defense before she could punch him again. "We'll just shoot at your legs and leave you behind for the zombies."

And that's when she stomped on his foot.

"Try to outrun me now." Said Kat as she watched our friend hop around on one foot.

I rolled my eyes at the two nerds, finally standing up to stretch my stiff limbs. "Well, the least we could do is have ourselves some kind of a celebration. After all, we need to stop and get more gas. Let's pick up some good food while we're at it."

"I only wish that we had some steaks..." Sighed Lee, rubbing his sore limb. "I can't remember the last time I tasted meat."

Meat... What I wouldn't give for some spaghetti and meatballs.

"I expect that these creatures make it difficult to hunt, then?" Asked Legolas- one of his few vocal contributions. Out of our new allies, that pointy-eared one was the most likely to ignore us. The only reason we knew he was aware of our existence was the fact that he was always watching us suspiciously.

Not that I blamed him. Kat was kind of sketchy.

"Uhh... We don't really hunt." Lee shrugged. "Not that we'd know what to do with a dead animal, anyways."

"I've skinned rabbits, before."

Everyone turned to stare at Kat.

"What?" She frowned. "My girl scout leader was madwoman!"

"Moving on..." Shuddered Lily, the bunny-loving former girl scout. "How long until we get to Arizona?"

Lee went up front to grab his maps, which were spread messily around the dashboard. He must have drawn out a thousand different routes in every color imaginable. After shifting through the mess, he finally found the map he wanted.

"Depending on the roads, we could be there in two to three days." He said, running his finger along a thin red line. "Maybe four. We've got to try to stay away from big cities." Lee sighed and dropped the map on the table beside Boromir. "Guess we'd better get going."

By noon, we'd crossed the border into Tennessee, and everyone was relatively quiet. Gimli was still snoozing away, often mumbling strange things in his sleep. Lily was up talking to little Merry and Pippin, the 'hobbits,' as they called themselves. Lee was up front at the wheel, snickering whenever he'd nick a zombie with the side of the RV. As for everyone else? Well... Aragorn, Boromir, and Legolas were entertaining themselves with trying to figure out a way home, and Kat was busying herself with searching through the RV's various storage compartments.

The most surprising thing was when a plate of assorted fruits and a single strip of bacon appeared on the table in front of me. Sam gave me a shy smile.

"It's not much, milady, but it's the best I could scrape together."

"Do you know how long it's been since I had fruit?" I laughed, holding up an odd berry. "Real fruit? And bacon! I don't know where you guys got this stuff, but I'm glad that you had it. This is more than enough, thank you."

Sam smiled. "I'm glad it pleases you." He then set about handing out plates for everyone.

After breakfast I set about picking my nails, even though they were already mere nubs. I studied the strange men as they hovered over Lee's maps, eyebrows furrowed and all. Aragorn and Legolas kept whispering to each other in that strange language of theirs, and Boromir kept picking up maps and turning them upside down.

Looked like me when I tried to drive.

"I just don't understand..." Boromir sighed, rubbing his brow.

Yet another map-reading reaction of mine. The sight was enough to give me a smile until I heard Kat giggle to herself. She ran out of the bedroom, stacks of CDs in her arms. Several fell to the ground, only to be retrieved by the curious hobbits. She dumped the load onto the table in front of me and fell back into the seat across from me.

"These people had the best taste in music!" Kat beamed to no one in particular. "You would not believe what you can find in this place! I think I even found a diary!"

As Kat began to search through various compartments for loot, I had to fight to keep from frowning. Sure, we'd been on the run for two months. Yeah, we could possibly be some of the last humans in America. I can get used to taking from empty groceries and gas stations, but I can't get used to going through the personal items of dead people. The fact that the owners of this RV had a family picture staring right at me was probably a huge factor in my guilt.

"Don't you think that's a little insensitive?" I finally blurt out, the little kids in the picture getting to me.

"What?" Kat's voice echoed from inside a cabinet.

I let out a sigh, deciding to let it go. Kat and I were about as different as we could be. A tall, carefree, crude drunk versus me. A chich-flick watching, Jane Austen reading woman who's dedicated to making sure her sister doesn't end up like the drunk. It's nothing against Kat. Back home I actually found her quite hilarious. Still do. I just wish she would keep the adult themes away from Lily. The little girl's got enough to think about for her age.

I looked at my little sister. She was so young. The spitting image of our mom, too. Pale blonde hair with lovely blue eyes. She was so little, yet so mature. She didn't even know for a fact that our parents were dead, yet. Thankfully, she never really asked. I think she just assumed that we would have gone after them, were they still alive. There was no real way for her to figure out unless she wanted to ask me. Phone lines were down, the TV stations were frozen on a black background with the simple phrase, 'God be with you.' The only things that worked were the radio stations. It's just that no one was around to say anything.

There used to be, though. In the early days we used to hear plenty of radio transmissions. There were even some posts on the internet. Various calls for help, locations for survivors to rally together. We tried one of those gatherings before. It was back in the beginning, before we had the whole 'flee to Russia' plan. We made some friends, and things seemed to go well for a day or too. Of course, things went bad. Let's just say that too many people in one place can be as dangerous as being alone. Zombies have a way of finding food.

"Are there others?" Aragorn's voice brought me out of my daze. He and Boromir had managed to slide into the the seat across from me without me noticing. I blinked for a moment, not having caught his question. "Survivors, I mean. Are there others?" He repeated.

"Oh! Uh... Yeah!" I ran a hand through my hair, trying to think of the best way to answer. "I mean, I can't imagine we'd be the only ones. There were hundreds of millions of people in America alone. We do run into others from time to time, but it's been a while. You guys are the first signs of life we'd seen in weeks."

The men nodded, and we were quiet until we passed a small group of wandering zombies.

"Can you tell us more about them?" Boromir asked as he watched the dead limp helplessly behind us. " What happened to them exactly?"

That's an answer we all would like to know.

"They're dead." Kat answered, appearing at the head of the table with armfuls of makeup. Looted from our gracious hosts, no doubt. "What?" She shrugged as we all stared at her quietly. She sat down and dumped the makeup onto the table. "That's all they are. Dead people."

"But how are they still walking?" Asked Boromir.

"And eating?" Chimed in Pippin. It was then that I realized everyone was listening in. The RV had even come to a halt. It was Lee who answered the last questions.

"It's the way they died." He said, coming out of the driver's seat. "The bacteria or virus or... whatever caused this... It shuts down everything. The heart no longer beats, the organs stop working. Everything associated with emotion and thought shut off. The person's soul is no longer there. The only thing that remains is a rotting shell, and the primal instinct to survive. That's why they have an insatiable hunger. Not only do most of their stomachs have rotten holes in them, but that's all they know. It's all they exist to do. Eat." He laughed then, leaning back against the wall. "At least, that's what I think. I was never a scientist."

Our guests looked at their hands or fiddled with the hems of their shirts. It must be hard for them. Zombies aren't pretty, and it's not exactly a pleasing thought to think that you might become one. We prefer to ignore the fact that zombies were, in fact, people at one point in time.

"Why did we stop?" Kat asked, searching through the makeup for something her color.

Lee pushed himself off the wall, getting back to business. "We're stopping soon. There's a super-store off the next exit. I just wanted to see if you wanted to stop there or keep going for a while longer."

I let out a sigh. It felt like we were always stopping. Stopping to rest, stopping look for someone or something. Mostly, it was stopping for gas. A part of me wanted to say screw it. Just keep driving. But we'd have to stop sooner or later. Why prolong it?

"You always know my answer." Kat shrugged. "I'm up for anything."

Lee nodded. "June?"

"We might as well get it over with." I sighed, not too happy with my decision. "I wanna go inside this time. Just to make sure we leave with more things than beer."

Kat laughed. "I want to go, too. I promise, I won't get any beer. I don't need it, you know!"

"You just keep telling yourself that..." Lee mumbled, walking back to the steering wheel.

Lily made a coughing noise, motioning me over when I looked to her. Crawling over Kat, I stumbled over to my little sister, who sat surrounded by the five little men we'd taken on. Legolas sat nearby, silent as usual.

"What is it love bug?" I gave her a smile, even though I already knew what it was about. She took my hand and led me to the small bedroom down the narrow hallway. It was surprisingly uninhabited. You'd think that someone would have moved in, considering the relatively cramped state of the main room.

Lily looked up at me, concern evident in her eyes. "Are you really going out this time?"

I did my best to give her an unconcerned smile. "Yeah, I am. But don't worry, Kat's going with me, and I'm sure one or two of our new friends will go."

Lily frowned. "Why does anyone have to go? We don't need the extra food. We can just keep driving. We'll ration it, like we've been doing."

Sigh... She shouldn't have to be worrying about this. "Lily, listen to me." I bent down so we could be eye to eye. "You have nothing to worry about, okay? If we don't stop now, we'll only be stopping later. We've got eight more people to feed. The old rations won't cut it. Now, I haven't gone in a while, so it's only fair that I go now and give Lee a break. He works really hard to keep us safe, you know."

She nodded, looking down to the ground. "I just don't want us to lose anyone else. Especially not you. You're the only family I have left."

I had to refocus myself after that. It'd been so long since either of us had talked about the missing member of our group. There used to be five of us. I let out a sigh and wrapped my sister in a hug. "You're not going to lose me."

Lily sniffed back a tear and buried her face in the crook of my neck. That's when I felt the RV slow down. We were getting close.

"I've gotta go now." I pulled away and wiped the tears from her face. "Don't worry, alright? Lee's family now, too. He'll take care of you."

She nodded, and I kissed her on the forehead before making my way to the driver's seat. "How's it look so far?" We were slowly driving off of the exit, turning onto a rode scattered with abandoned cars.

"I dunno." He sighed, giving the area a quick one-over. "It's not as isolated as the other places we've stopped. You sure you wanna do this? I can go in your place..."

"No, Lee. I've made my decision."

"But you've got Lily to take care of..."

"No, YOU've got Lily to take care of. I'll be fine."

Lee frowned, knowing better than to argue. "Can you just promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

He sighed, lowering his voice so the men in the back couldn't hear. "Pick me up some men's deodorant, okay? I'm tired of smelling like a lady."

And I expected something heart-felt. Of course not. "Don't worry, Lee. I promise to keep your weird man pride intact."

"Alright! Thanks, budd!" He gave me a hearty pat on the back. "Oh, and I guess you could also bring Kat back alive, if you don't mind."

I laughed, knowing that Lee was never good with emotions. He cares about us, even if he was bad at showing it. He pulled us into an old parking lot, a few cars scattered throughout. There were two zombies wandering around on the outskirts. There were even several animals running about, which isn't an unusual sight in abandoned cities. Just several rabbits, a rare deer venturing out of some nearby forests. Mostly flocks of birds nesting in odd places. It seemed like the animals had the zombies occupied at the moment, so they weren't really threats for the time being.

"Do you think there will be more in the store?" Asked Lee, getting us as close to the door as he dared.

"Only one way to find out." I sighed, walking through the curtain to the main room. "You ready, Kat?"

"Mmhmm." She hummed, putting her hair into a messy bun. "Aragorn and Boromir are our lovely volunteers yet again. I asked Gimli to go but he said no. I think he's afraid."

"Afraid? Bah! I'm not afraid!" The dwarf defended himself. Rather loudly, I might add. "Someone has to look after the little ones!"

"Gimli, please, you're going to alert every zombie in town if you keep yelling..." Lily kindly whispered, looking out the windows nervously.

The dwarf humphed and clenched his axe, mumbling angrily under his breath.

Kat and I strapped on our belts and secured our pistols. We grabbed our bats next to the door and moved the chair that was propped against the door. I looked back to the others waiting behind me.

"You all ready?"

Aragorn and Boromir nodded while Kat shrugged. I sighed, opening the door to the outside.

The two zombies that had been wandering around had obviously caught sight of us and were wandering towards us. I was completely prepared to do what needed to be done. Take my bat and destroy the brains of the monsters that were coming to kill us. Fortunately, though, that didn't fall to me. For whatever reason, an arrow came whizzing by my head, right into the skull of the nearest zombie. Before I knew what was going on, the other one fell as well. Legolas came strolling out of the RV behind us, walking straight for the corpses. We watched him silently as he pulled the arrows from the skulls, inspecting their worth.

"You don't want those." Lee called out, leaning in the doorway. "Anything you shoot with those will just turn into zombies, so long as their blood's still there. Even if you cleaned them I wouldn't use them."

Legolas thought about it for a moment before tossing them on the ground.

"Well... Thank you." I laughed for a moment. "Now that that's done..."

We walked around the RV and carefully made our way towards the entrance, preparing to break the doors open. I was surprised when the doors slide open, and even more surprised to see that the power was on. Electricity... I hadn't seen a powered building in a long time. Kat picked up a piece of rubble and chucked it inside. We waited.

Nothing.

"Alright, guys. Remember to watch your back," I began, taking the first steps into the store. "And remember to stay together. This place is too big to go wandering off..." I turned around, but only two people were there. "Where's Kat?"

Aragorn and Boromir seemed to snap out of some daydream, shaking their heads.

"Forgive me, milady." Aragorn whispered back. "I did not notice her leave. I am afraid that I was distracted by the lanterns on the ceiling." He pointed to the fluorescent lights. "How are they lit, and by what method? I've never seen such bright fire."

I fought the urge to laugh. Honestly, the questions these people ask. "It's electricity. Not fire. More like lightning. Anyways, we'll find Kat later. Or at least try to. She should know better than to run off."

The men went on staring in amazement for a moment before finally getting back to the task at hand. I went to the registers and grabbed several paper bags, because according to Boromir the sound of plastic is 'insufferable.' We went to the deodorant aisle, first. I did promise Lee, after all. I even got our friends some smell-goods. Then we went straight to the food. A lot of things were expired, but I managed to get some things for cake. It would just have to be eggless... And milk-free. After a moment, I figured I'd just grab a couple of cans of icing instead.

We also got a lot of daily things. Water, boxes of energy bars, toothpaste. We were headed to the candy aisle when Aragorn stopped suddenly.

"What is it?" I asked, looking around for a zombie.

Aragorn drew his sword. "We are being followed."

I set my bags down, as did Boromir. I pulled out my gun and held my breath to listen.

"Drop your weapons!"

Three men jumped out from behind a product display, one with a big rifle, one with an old pistol, and the other with a sharpened piece of scrap metal. I hesitated, debating on whether we could take them. No one needed to die.

"Milady, tell us what we should do!" Aragorn demanded, eying the gun suspiciously. I knew that the only reason they were looking to me for advice was because of their fear of guns and their overall confusion with the times. Even so, I froze. These people weren't zombies. They were still human. Who knows what their intentions were.

"I said drop your weapons!"

"Milady!" Aragorn yelled, demanding an answer.

"Put them away!" I shouted, finally. Aragorn and Boromir reluctantly sheathed their weapons, and I slowly put my gun back in its holster. The men held their weapons ready, the guns shifting between the three of us.

"On the ground!" One of the men shouted.

"I'm not disarming myself while you've got that pointed at me." To me, these three were hardly men. More like boys. Fresh out of high school, if you asked me.

"It would not be wise to start a fight with us when there are walking corpses lurking about outside." Aragorn tried to reason with them, his hand hovering over his sword.

The rifleman examined us suspiciously. "What are you doing here? This is our turf."

I held my hands up in defense, not wanting to upset the guy. "We didn't know. We're travelers, and we need food. If you will just let us take what we have, we will leave and no one needs to get hurt."

"And what would we get in return?" Asked the rifleman.

Everyone wants something. "Is it not so much to ask that you help us in times like these?" I eyed the rifle in his hands. The way he held it, I'd say he had no idea how to use it. "Look, we've got more guns outside, not to mention an angry dwarf with a giant axe. If we don't get back out there soon they'll come looking for us. Just put your weapons down and we'll sort something out."

They hesitated, but eventually relented. Finally.

"So, how have three young guys like you survived so long out here?" I asked, relaxing now that my head wasn't in danger of being blown off. Now that I wasn't being threatened, they looked even younger. One of them might have even been sixteen.

"There were eight of us." Said the one with the pistol, one of the older-looking ones.

Ouch. "So five of you got caught, huh?"

They nodded sadly. I suddenly felt very bad for these three kids. Who knows what they had gone through.

Suddenly, Kat reappeared beside me. Three full plastic bags in one hand and her bat in the other. By the looks of it, she'd recently used that bat to kill something. Whether or not that something was a zombie or a rat is yet to be determined.

"Is there a problem here?" She asked, looking back and forth between the boys and me.

I shook my head, picking up my bags from the ground. "No, we just had a little bit of a run-in. I think we're okay, now."

She nodded, looking the boys over. "Uh-huh... Well, you might want to know about the zombies coming through the back door. And the zombies in the restroom... But I already killed those."

"Your casual manner never ceases to amaze me..." I sighed, watching the expressions of the boys turn into panic. "You guys don't have to stay, you know. You can come with us. We're on our way to Alaska."

The boy with the rifle shook his head. "We lost two guys getting this place. We're not gonna let it go to waste."

"Well, at least turn the lights off and block the doors. If you're going to live here at least protect it. Five zombies have gotten in already. And here," Kat pulled out her gun and held it out to the youngest one- the one without a gun. "This should make life a little easier."

The boy gave her a nod of gratitude. "Thanks. You guys might want to get out of here. Just take what you need and go." The three guys ran off towards the back, and I began to hear a distant zombie-gurgle.

"Should we not help them?" Asked Boromir, looking like he was about to go after them.

"They're none of our concern." I sighed. "If we stopped to help every survivor we'd be dead. Just grab whatever you can and let's go."

It sucked. It really did. Would I have liked to go and help the kids? No. Absolutely not. Zombies scare me. But would it have made me feel less guilty? Yes. Still, this wasn't my first encounter with survivors. We'd passed by several hopeless causes in our past month on the road. Lone fighters or weaponless couples running from giant packs of the undead, crying out for help. Had we stopped, we could have died with them. The most we could do was shoot at a couple as we drove by, but that was hardly enough. It's a nasty business, but we have our own lives to protect, and I can't leave Lily. It's not an option.

We were just filling the last of our bags when the gunshots began. We ran for the front door with every intention to jump in the car and speed out of there, but a peculiar sight stopped us.

"What... What are you doing?" I fought the urge to cover my eyes. How could I handle gutless zombies and not this? "Where did you get that?"

"I killed it." Legolas gave me a small smile. "You all mentioned your hunger for meat, so I thought that this would be a kind gesture. A thanks for your hospitality."

Kat laughed, shaking her head. "And so you kill us a deer... Awesome!"

The morning's breakfast was slowly coming back up. "I appreciate the gesture, but uh... We've got a bit of a problem."

"What's wrong?" Asked Lee, who was watching Legolas clean the dead deer like a wide-eyed child.

"There are zombies in the back." Kat shrugged. "Quite a few of them."

Lee frowned. "Is that why I heard gunshots?"

"Those weren't ours." Said Kat.

Lee nodded in understanding. "Well, we should go. Are you almost done, Legolas?"

The elf-man shook his head. "No, but I understand our haste. I can hunt again another day. Besides, Lily did not seem to appreciate me killing this animal..." He almost laughed at the last part. "I suppose it's for the best that I leave this here."

Yes. Please leave it. The smell's nearly enough to make me run back to the zombies. Boromir seemed to notice my discomfort and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of all things, you lose your composure over a dead deer?" He asked.

I looked up to see Kat laughing at me.

"Shut up."


	4. Some Good News

Summary: I'm rewriting this story. More info below for those who are interested!

Hey all!

So clearly it's been some time since I've updated (well over two years, as a matter of fact).

I bet those of you who are just now reading this story or who still have an interest in it have assumed I've given it up, and I guess I did, for a time.

HOWEVER, I never really mentally gave it up. This story has always been on my mind, as well as all of the other stories I've started and abandoned. The main problem with me continuing these stories is that when I first wrote them I was very new to writing, and honestly I was putting out chapters as I wrote them, I never gave myself much time to plan, and as a result I'd often get stumped on how to continue. I've often tried to continue them but it's been hard since my writing style has changed, I've personally changed, etc. So essentially I'm going to start rewriting a few of my older stories, particularly Lord of the Zombies, but I'm also considering rewriting This is Home (LOTR), and perhaps even Plain Jane (LOTR). I'm going to save the old versions just in case anyone has an interest in reading them, but they'll only be posted if enough people want them, and if they are posted then they'll be in separate stories, as I'll be using the original story links for the rewrites. HOWEVER, This is Home and Plain Jane will probably remain as they are for awhile, and I'm also considering just leaving those as they are and creating new stories for the purpose of their rewrites. It depends on what the readers want.

Thanks for everyone who's continued to review and follow, you guys have inspired me to come back and revisit the stories that I love! :) I hope I can continue to please you guys as I once did!

**If you have any questions feel free to PM me or post your questions in the reviews.**


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